To some degree, I imagine personal growth has a slightly different meaning to just about everyone. The one constant is probably that it is a slow process involving being self-critical and patient with one’s self at the same time. You first need to shine a light on that one thing, the one that is most apparent in your life at the moment and recognize it. You have to then accept that it is a flaw and that it is one you want to address. The rest is just allowing yourself to determine how you want to address that flaw and then being self-aware enough to apply what you have learned and address it each time you have the opportunity to do so.
What is considered personal growth, really?
I remember this line from a movie that really resonated with me. It had to do with trying to get back what has been “taken from you” and how all the while you are fighting and clawing to get back what you think belongs to you, more is going out the door. I think about that all the time and use it as an example of how I might grow as a person and how I might benefit from letting things go. I definitely identify strongly with that line from that movie, or at least I used to a lot more than I do today. To me, I have grown in that regard; in that I am willing and able to accept loss and not feel “owed” or entitled the way I might once have felt years ago. That feels like progress and I think you could certainly call it growth.
Signs of personal growth that feel important
I love those movies where the main character figures out his life a little bit and adapts to, rather than fighting against the things in his life that seem to be careering inexorably toward something he hadn’t anticipated and doesn’t particularly want. Even more than that moment, I love when that person figures out that he was only fighting because he hadn’t been open enough to things changing as the plot moved forward and he felt like he was losing control. In reality, nothing goes fully to plan for anyone… ever. At some point, all of us could be in a situation wherein we realize the result of the path we chose may not be what we had thought it was going to be, but that doesn’t necessarily make it a bad result. To me, that is life with some adventure and the very real discovery that comes with being open to more than a single, predicted outcome.
The uncomfortable side of personal growth
It can be very difficult indeed to allow yourself to change; to embrace it, really. At a young age, in particular, it can feel a bit like admitting you were “wrong” in a very profound and holistic way; it can be intimidating in some ways.
Often, it begins by feeling embarrassed after acting in a way that makes you blush, makes your ears burn and your throat dry. It’s so important to recognize what that is and so tough to actually act on it and begin to try to behave differently. Most likely, you are still acting the way you saw adults in your life handle similar situations when you were just a child and you don’t even realize it. Upon realizing and accepting that truth, you then must allow yourself to begin responding differently to adversity and gracefully accepting not getting what you want. That means you may be allowing for the possibility that the adult or adults from decades ago set a bad example for you and that they were not great at showing you how to behave and, in fact, may not have realized the impact their behavior in your presence had and possibly still has. That’s definitely not always something that is easily done.
What counts as personal growth in different areas of life
Being honest with ourselves is and must be the starting point to something that will, or at least should, eventually impact all of the many facets of our lives. There’s our personal relationships with our family, friends and spouses. There’s our professional relationships with colleagues and co-workers. Being patient with all of those people often starts with being patient and forgiving with ourselves; something that is far more difficult than I imagined back in my twenties.
I didn’t realize until fairly late in my life that blowing up at someone over basically anything short of a felony was unnecessary and inappropriate. I was just repeating what I had seen in my life as a child, just like we all mostly do, at least for awhile during and beyond our childhood. I didn’t realize the weight words can carry or the importance of being kind and striving to be respectful and courteous to others or how good it felt to behave that way.
That saying “How you do anything is how you do everything” is so interesting and, I suppose, mostly accurate. I have come to believe that about patience and kindness to ourselves and to others. If you can be kind to yourself and to your family and friends and to your spouse, you might just be creating a positive habit that will work its way into your professional life and how you treat co-workers and, from there, store clerks and strangers you encounter.
How to know if you’re actually growing
I think it starts with the honest assessment of my own behavior and in how I comport myself and respond to situations in which I am not particularly happy or comfortable. Hopefully, I am able to be self-aware and honest enough with myself to occasionally compare that self with the self from a year ago, or even a few years ago. To this point, I feel like I can say that I have learned a lot more than I ever thought I would need to learn in my fifties.
Just the fact that you are asking yourself whether you are growing, whether you have improved in some way in your daily life shows maturity. If you didn’t care how you acted, you wouldn’t be asking the question. So, for starters, you care. That’s a great indication that you are making improvements and working on yourself.
What is considered personal growth if your life is messy?
A lot of times, we may discover how much we need to make some changes that only we can make as a result of our lives getting “messy”. It’s like how the two time felon finds Jesus and becomes born again because she needs a way to leave her old ways behind. That’s one way to grow. If reading the bible keeps you from committing crimes and ending up in jail, good for you. Others of us may choose another way of addressing and overcoming our personal shortcomings; the method or inspiration doesn’t really matter as long as you aren’t hurting or inconveniencing anyone, right?
That said, I don’t know what messy really is, to be honest. We all have our definition, I guess and we all probably have at least a little bit of messiness in our lives. I guess the bar may be lower but somehow more difficult to clear at the same time. It’s just as important; no more and no less– to get your shit together if your life involves a lot of unnecessary drama and uncomfortable situations.
