Why Is Personal Growth Important, Really?

When I was a kid I just assumed I’d be an adult when I turned 18 and that would pretty much be IT. All done growing up and just sort of plodding along for the next 50, 60 or 70 years. I didn’t realize how many different ways there were to be an adult. I only began to figure that out several years after college and I was probably in my late 30’s before I realized how much changing I still needed to do and would still be doing for decades to come.

Why is personal growth important in real life?

Think for just a minute about all of the decisions that led you to where you are right now. At least try to; there’s no way most of us will be able to recall every single one of them. But attempting to do so lends a certain amount of perspective.

Your life was not scripted like that of a movie character. There was no outline to the story of your life or even a single “chapter” or a weekend in Vegas or even a 2 hour concert where you had some sort of plan and everything worked out just how you expected it to. It’s all LIVE. You are constantly reacting or responding to situations, interpersonal dynamics, and often unexpected challenges and THAT is why personal growth is so critical to all of us. It lends fresh and informed perspective based on experience and the desire to better respond to a give situation.

The key to this is introspection. With introspection, you start seeing your own behavior and being accountable rather that calling everything that doesn’t go your way “bad luck”. You notice when fear holds you back and when confidence and decisiveness move you forward. Most importantly, you build on the desire to be objective and to see things clearly rather than defend your mistakes against criticism. You own your actions, good or bad.

A lot of people may think personal growth is transforming themselves into some Instagram model/influencer with perfect skin and teeth and 1.2M followers. That’s not it. That is something else entirely and, of course, you are welcome to pursue that if that seems like something that would bring you happiness.

Personal growth helps you stop repeating the same bad behaviors

A long, long time ago, all of us began to form habits and behaviors, some positive, like using crosswalks and dressing for the weather. Healthy diet and regular exercise may have made the list as well. The older we got, the more “bad” habits many of us picked up– some of us in middle school or high school and some during college or in our twenties. We began drinking coffee, then smoking cigarettes and weed, drinking alcohol and staying up late at night. And then, one day you realize that is who you have become; You are a collection of those behaviors and habits.

One day, you find yourself in your late 30’s and you are basically on autopilot. One day bleeds into the next and you no longer have the options and metabolism you had when you were in high school and college. You may not be depressed, but you know a better overall life is achievable. But how? What is the key? The secret to success, harmony and general wellbeing?

Personal growth is really just acknowledging that fact and considering the real ways you might go about addressing it. Some things are simple but still difficult and unsticking yourself from decades of bad habits and poor choices is one of those things. It’s simple, yeah, in that you can have the revelation and know the right path forward. But it is very difficult for most of us to start down that path and become that person we know we can and want to be.

It matters because confidence is built, not granted

I lacked confidence as a young boy. It took many years and a lot of painful and awkward moments and trying my hand at a number of different things to build what I believe to be one of the most important traits there is. Confidence is earned through years of trying and failing and learning from the experiences you create. To be confident in yourself, you need to sort of prove to yourself that you are capable.

Toward the end of your “formative years”, it is very important to have built some level of confidence that will propel you forward and allow you to experience success in any number of things.

My brief career as a local “rock star”

At seventeen years old, I became lead singer of Fallen Angel and I was absolutely scared out of my mind to get up and sing in front of my friends and peers. That was a moment where I had a choice and it was pretty simple; I could just walk away because the idea was so frightening to me or I could trust those around me who were encouraging me to just get up there and sing. I didn’t yet have the confidence to publicly sing with a band, but if my bandmates were willing to get up on stage with me, I needed to trust their confidence in me so I could begin to build my own. That was basically it; my first GBOGFY moment in life and I mustered up the courage to do something that forever changed my life.

I built off that courage and applied it to other aspects of my life. It became part of me and of how I approached everything in my life, from asking out girls to drawing and painting and even pursuing employment. I was changing and growing without even knowing it at the time, like so many other things in my life at that time.

What personal growth actually looks like

I often find myself running through things in my mind to consider alternatives and to think about how other people’s actions have affected me and why, etc. Then I turn it around and think about how I have handled recent communications or projects that involved other people. I attempt to remove my ego from situations that involve a number of people and work toward the best solution, irrespective of my role in the process. Most of all, I try to avoid any sort of communication that could be manipulative or coercive, allowing others to simply chose whether to do something or abstain without any influence from me. I do everything I can to be content with results that may be unexpected or even unintended and focus more on process and learning from that process, regardless of the result.

So, why is personal growth important?

I don’t want to repeat my behavior from years ago or even months ago, if there’s a way to make improvements to the way I approach, address or pursue things. Being imperfect like everyone else, it seems to me that I should be making changes, evolving as I continue to experience life and further mature. I believe there’s probably a better approach to most or all of what I do, even just iteratively, that is far preferable to repeating a flawed cycle.